Ask Volnik
by Volnik the Imp

Dear Volnik,

I have a problem. My friends all think I like this girl, but I really don't. She's a loudmouth and we do nothing but argue. Her views are outrageous, stupid, and illogical. Everything that comes out of her mouth sets me on edge. I mean, sure, she's not hard on the eyes, but she drives me crazy. The thing is, I keep seeing her everywhere I am! I think she has a thing for me. What should I do to get rid of her, and how do I convince my friends that I have no interest in this girl?

Signed,
Confused and Annoyed in Elwynn


Dear Bonehead.

She's easy on the eyes - fel, give her to me. I don't have to be right if she has a thing for small, green, and fiery.

I think you protest too much - meaning I think your friends might be right. You run into her coincidentally, you say, but ask yourself this: Do you go to places where you might run into her? Where you know you'll cross her path?

I consulted with my romance expert - Drusandra the Succubus - and she had the following to add. She believes that relationships based on conflict can result in the most fiery, passionate-- whoa, Dru, we can't publish that.

If you really want to get rid of her, there's no faster way than finding yourself an available gal you actually like to keep you company. Once she sees another woman in your life, that should make her disappear. And if it doesn't, play crazy. That usually works. Say things like: "For Darkness!" and "Shadows hear my prayers and scald my enemies with the powers of fel." Trust me, I have experience with this sort of thing.

As far as your friends go, who cares about convincing them? Rib them right back. If they see it bothers you, they're going to keep at it. Don't let it.

From Your Friendly Fel Ladies' Demon,
Volnik the Imp

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